late nights/early mornings

I really shouldn't be writing right now, but for some reason i feel like it. 

As I sit here, on the third floor of this awkward, huge concrete library, I find myself really thankful. Honestly, I don't know why. My last few days have been really stressful. But they have also been pretty amazing. I found a group of girls (FINALLY) that I really get along with, and most importantly, are what seem like amazing Christian girls. Ones that I can (hopefully) develop deep and meaningful and fun relationships with. I am SO excited. It was so nice to spend time with each of them. I was at a sleepover (a very typical girl thing to do) with a bunch of girls that go to Russell Sage College, which is an all girls college down the hill from RPI. The InterVarsity group here is a combination of the two schools, so that's how I got connected with them. The sleepover was at the two twins' house (yes, a HOUSE. something I haven't been to in a very long time!!). We had a homecooked meal (again, VERY exciting) and had a bonfire and some good deep girl talk. It was so amazingly refreshing. I think i took advantage of it back home too much. I couldn't believe how much i missed it. I lack that deep connection with people here; sure, i have lots of friends, but nothing with the meaningfulness of the frienships I have back home. So, hopefully i can develop some now. i'm excited :)

This week has been crazy because I have tons of midterms, final projects, labs, and lab projects. It's not fun. I have to stay up late, get up early, and work as hard and as often as I can. It's so much harder (as far as time management) than Bethel. But I'm definitely getting used to it, and honestly it's more rewarding. So right now i'm sitting in the library, attempting to study for a Biology test, a Sociology midterm, and do some architectural history homework all at once. But I have a great desk that overlooks the city of Troy. And even though it's not the safest, or the most culturally interesting, or amazing city in any sense of the word, it's just beautiful right now. It just seems peaceful. And that's the way I feel at the moment too. 

You see, the past few weeks have been hard, not just because of school work, but because my faith has been tested so much. And honestly sometimes i feel like it's hanging by a thinning thread. But God proceeds to pick me back up after each and every blow. He shows up in the places where I am not looking for him. And it is humbling. And he showed up a lot this weekend, in ways I can't even explain. So even though my day was pretty bad, and my weekly forecast doesn't look any better, all is well with my soul. and that is a beautiful feeling. 

so i decided to start a blog...

So i decided to start a blog...

Why? well... since i have been here (here being Troy, NY, RPI, 12500 miles away from home), I have had SO MUCH that I have wanted to share with eveyone back home. Mostly because I haven't quite found the same kind of friends here - or at least haven't know the friends I do have for long enough, which is probably the case. And when I do talk to people back home, I can't remember which stories I have told to whom.... so I get really repetitive. 

So much has happened in the past month or so that I have been here. It's ridiculous. 

Hmm.. where to start...

Well, I could start by mentioning how different the people are here - both because it's the East coast, and also because it is RPI. 

'Minnesota nice' does not exist here. Walking down the street smiling is a common occurance in my daily life, and that is rather abnormal here. People look at me like "what the heck are you looking at?" .. .or they just look confused. And if I say "hi" to a stranger.. well... that is just plain weird. People keep to themselves here. Eye contact with a passing stranger is uncommon. A smile is unseen. It's hard to get used to. I smile anyway :)

Ok, another thing: RPI. It's not so different now that things have settled, people have found their various groups of friends, and classes are well underway. But Student Orientation, and Navigating Rensselaer and Beyond (like welcome week) were much different. For one, the ratio: the ratio is very hard to get used to at first. It is 3 guys to every girl. And the guys can be very forward here. For instance, on a shuttle to Wal-Mart (which is unfortunately the only shopping nearby), most of the spots were taken and the two girls I was with decided to sit in the only two adjacent open seats. I sat down next to a nice-looking guy and introduced myself, as everyone does during welcome week. We had a normal conversation: name, major, dorm, home state. He was from Brooklyn, so somehow that evolved into the topic of pizza. When the bus neared our destination, he asked me for my number. I'm just not used to that. I'm not sure if i'll ever be. And varying things have happened along those lines since: just people wanting to hang out sometime when i met just them about 5 minutes earlier. It's just interesting. 

Oh, and another thing. RPI (Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute) is a really nerdy school. It's an engineering school. People honestly go here to become rocket scientists. Sometimes... most times... i feel incredibly out of my league. And I think it is hilarious when people hear that I am an architecture major and they say "Oh, wow, you must be really smart!!" It baffles me. hahaha

To keep this short(er) for now, I'll only tell one other story. Well, it's an ongoing story. My sociology class has been quite the experience. My professor, Sal Restivo, is apparently a very well-known sociologist, and very very adamant atheist. He also is not a fan of people voicing their opinions in class. He, and many other sociologists apparently, claim that god is simply created by society. We have different “good feelings’ that we have when in a large group or when the group is creating music, etc; that feeling is then set outside us and given to some deity we create. 

I think it has been a really good, challenging class so far. I am using at a way to learn “the other side” and why they believe what they believe. But I hadn't had a ton of actual involvement until this one day. One morning he asked who believed in a god, which he had done once before, and I raised my hand along with a few other students. The previous time he had asked, there were a few more hands, and this time the few hands were much more tentative. When I had my hand raised he asked me, “Why do you believe in the existence of a god?” I said something along the lines of, ‘I have had too much happen in my life for there not to be one. Coincidence can only go so far.” He kind of cut me off and said, “Oh, so it is by personal experience then, right?” I said yes. He then asked if I could share more about that sometime. 

He said "not today, but ‘later.’" I said that I would. After, he asked another guy in the back of the classroom why he believed in a god, and he said that we had to start from something – the creation of life doesn’t make sense without someone there before it. My professor, Dr. Restivo, then proceeded in trying to disprove this belief. He also discussed how the Bible must not be true because there are too many translations and interpretations to understand it correctly. 

Throughout this part it was more the professor stating his views, as it usually is. I am the only one that has been singled out to share her beliefs. Though I do not know if I will ever have an opportunity to share as much as I know and believe and ‘prove’ God as he says, I am more or less singled out as ‘the believer’ in the class. It's a pretty weighty task, but I am excited that I have this opportunity. But, honestly I am scared. My prof is one of the leaders in his field and has very good debate skills. Usually he is easily able to refute any of my classmate’s arguments in a matter of seconds. As my mom says, "He eats freshmen for breakfast."

I know that God has something planned in all of this, though I have no idea what it is. It is crazy to think that he would use me – who is so young and a little out of her league. But it is so encouraging to know that He has used so many others. And I know that He can use anyone. I keep coming back to Ezekiel 2 and 3:1-15. It has been such an encouragement.

Anyway... this whole sociology class has taught me a lot. It has taught me not to simply assume the beliefs of those around me, and especially those of the Christian culture, as my own and as absolute truth. It can be so hard sometimes. It is not exactly "fun" to have your beliefs challenged every Tuesday and Friday, 12:00-2:00, and question your beliefs anytime you study sociology or happen to be thinking about the subject. And, truthfully, I have had a lot of doubts lately. Again, it is so hard. Thankfully, God, being the amazing Daddy that he is, chooses to show up. On a daily basis, often. And that is truly incredible. I can honestly say that I have had God show up more often in the past month than at any other time in my life. Who has that? Sometimes it is in simple ways, like an incredibly beautiful day, or a day when I feel down and receive an unnecessary random beautiful compliment. But sometimes it is in ways that keep me grinning from ear to ear for days. Like one day when I was feeling distant from God (fresh from a sociology class, i think) and just doubting so many things, a girl asked me if I was a Christian. I said yes, and she told me that she had seen me wearing a shirt with a verse on it one day. And above that, she said she "could just tell." It shocked me to see how Christ could still be very present in my life, even when i didn't really feel like it. And so many other things have happened as well.... but I will save those for another note another day.....