.revolutionary love.

Today = Luke 19:28-28 + Genesis 34 + Psalm 26

Well today has once again been a busy day full of architecture, long reviews, and long lectures. And pizza. Anytime I get stressed or overwhelmed or just want to feel better, I start baking or cooking something. Kind of ridiculous, but tasty.

Each story from today's reading is fascinating and has a lot that could be unpacked, but my mind keeps resting on these words from Psalms:

"Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for you love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth." (Psalm 26:2-3)

What I've noticed lately is that it is easy to ask God to test us and try us, to examine us through and through. There are lots of psalms and worship songs that say just that. But being examined with God's X-ray pierces us to the core. It hurts.

I would so much rather someone be angry at me than disappointed in me. It's the worst feeling. But it's what I feel when I feel God searching my heart, finding all the dark places where the light hurts like sweet against cavities in my soul. The feeling where I have disobeyed and failed to live to his perfect standard hurt, but it's the feeling after, when I know that I am forgiven and welcomed into his love, a love that truly is 'ever before me.' Surrendering to God's ways is really hard; it means exposing the nastiest parts of me. But there is a peace, a trust, a hope, and a love that come in an overwhelming flood afterwards. That is what is revolutionary.